Tipping Your Caregiver:Nanny and Babysitter

Have you ever sat down and thought about how much your Nanny does for you?  Between the laundry, the prepping of meals, the tantrums, the bottle washing...the day is endless.  She really is the glue that holds your family together.  

Now, have you ever thought about giving her a random monetary tip, just because?  

This doesn't include birthday's and holiday's(which you know you should be giving her a birthday gift and a holiday bonus!) I'm talking about a random day in April or maybe October, or maybe both!  

And if you have an outstanding babysitter who is very reliable and you can always count on her to be there for you, this applies to that situation as well.  Because why shouldn't you commend someone who is great to you and your most prized possessions?

The Potty Training Diaries

I'm not going to start with my past stories of potty training...I'll get to those in a different post.  I HAVE to talk about what I saw today at Shop Rite tonight.  

Oh my GOD!  So here I am walking around the different aisle's to see what I need.  I'm walking in the back looking at meats.  What do I see?  A mom letting her daughter pee right in the middle of the aisle on a Potette.  I'm not even kidding.  Not to mention that this is completely unsanitary, but to let her daughter pee in the middle of a grocery store shows that she has no control over her daughter.  There is a bathroom in the store, literally right down an aisle next to the pharmacy.  As the Hoboken Nanny, I almost screamed at the mother.  She should have ran to the bathroom and plopped her daughter on the toilet.  Let alone this girl looked at least 5 years old and most certainly was not potty training, but you never know. 

Nannies and Parents, if you're potty training, run to the closest bathroom.  Do NOT let your kid piss in the middle of a grocery store even if you have a portable potty.  Not only is disgusting but it's not etiquette...as I'm sure everyone knows except this mother!  

 My only exception of letting your kid pee anywhere is if it's a boy and you're at the park.  He can pee in a bush. 

Would you look at this!  The Today Show must have been reading my blog!  Hurray for me!  

See, I actually know what I'm talking about.  

Read my post below from August 22nd, "The Dinner Dilemma" and compare:



http://www.today.com/moms/back-basics-why-family-dinners-matter-8C11037673

The Nanny Cam: Revisited

 

Over the last couple of weeks, I have been speculating whether or not my family has a nanny cam.  I've been their Nanny for a few years now, but it hasn't been until recently that weird things that happened.  One time, the boy said something funny to me and I couldn't stop laughing.  When the mom came home, she told me the story about how the boy said the same funny thing to her over the weekend.  Coincidence or nanny cam?  I'm honestly not sure because I don't even know where they would hide it.  Another time, the dad was singing a song that only I sing.  A song that I made up.  I mean, I'm about 98% sure I've never sang it in front of either of them.  Maybe the kids do, but I highly doubt that.  Should I be worried?  I don't have anything to worry about, but I just hate nanny cams.  So useless.  I would know one immediately if I saw it, but I don't know where else to look!

 Oh well.  I'll continue being goofy in hopes that my silly videos with the kids don't end up on YouTube.

Confessions of a Nanny

Part V

Let's go back into older posts that I talked about this family.  I called them "The Absent Parents."  Wall Street working dad, stay at home mom, Nanny(me) who was both mom and dad, and every other type of employee that could work in ones home.  So, this story begins at 12:30pm when the 2 year old went down for his nap and usually slept until 3:30-4pm.  At about 2pm, I got a call from the school saying:

"X has head lice and needs to be picked up ASAP. We can't get ahold of mom, so someone needs to come immediately."  

Umm, what?  The mom left the apartment everyday at 10am and I didn't see her until after dinner, what could she possibly do all day?  How about answer your phone, mom?  Anyway, here I am, trying to reach her, calling and texting.  No answer.  Trying to call the dad, no answer.  So, I think for a second.  Do I wake the kid up and run to the school that was on the other side of town or do I wait because school was over in 45 minutes anyway?  I did what any awesome Nanny would do and I woke the kid up and ran to pick up the lice infested freak.  

As I got close to the school, I had to blink a few times because I couldn't believe what I saw.  I thought I was going to scream my head off.  Outside of the school, the MOM WAS STANDING THERE PLAYING ON HER PHONE!!!!!  I walked up to her and said "Hi...I have been trying to reach you.  X has lice and needed to be picked up like 30 minutes ago.  I've been calling you and so has the school nurse."  Her reply?  "I had no idea."

Confession: I wanted to murder you right then and there.  

This is story really did happen.  I will never forget it.  

Emailed

Bad Nanny Sighting

When: Tuesday, August 27th

Where: Columbus Park

Nanny: African American, medium build

Kids: Twin boys, and another blonde boy, 2-3 years old

Situation: The Nanny was sitting on a bench while all three boys were sitting in the stroller.  She was eating lunch and had one head phone in her ear, talking on the phone.  The boys were sitting in the stroller doing nothing while she was on the phone and eating.  She started to feed them lunch after 20 minutes, little pieces at a time, in the stroller.  After about an hour, she let them out of the stroller and play at the park. She was not interactive whatsoever.

 

Email from a Hoboken Nanny

"I cringe when I hear other Nannies and parents say "we" when referring to their kid(s).  Say he or she.  There is no "we" unless it's about everyone."

I totally agree with you, other Hoboken nanny!  

Paid Days Off

So, I work a long day.  My free time, just like everyone else, is VERY precious.  I don't get much time off.  And when I do, I expect to be told in a timely manner in case I want to plan a weekend away.  One of my biggest peeves about Parents in this town is that they think the only people that exist are them.  It's not always the case, and they are a lovely family with their two gorgeous kids, but if they give me a random Friday off, I'd like to know before Thursday at 5:30pm.  Is that too much to ask for?  Because there goes my extravagant trip to Bora Bora for the weekend!(yeah right!)  

But really, Parents, it's out of common courtesy and respect to let your Nanny enjoy her precious day off.  One day here, a week in the winter there, we need to be recharged.  We are also here for you, so taking days off is sometimes out of the question.  And I know you take the time to talk to your Nanny about this and every family is different, but pay your Nanny on her day off!  She will love you forever!

Does anyone else have nutjob kids today? 

 

 Is it a full moon tonight??

The Out of Control Child

Everyone has seen it.  The child that both parents and Nannies cannot control.  He knows that he has the upper hand in every situation, but as an onlooker, you can't help but stare and shake your head.  Parents, it could be your kid, or a friends kid.  But let me tell you, everyone knows this kid.  No, I'm not talking about anyone specific, but it's the kid that you don't like your kids hanging out with because his manners are God awful and if he doesn't get what he wants, the lives of anyone surrounding are miserable.  

Why does this happen?  Well, let's take a look see.  The kid probably has two working parents who rarely see him.  If he has a Nanny, she probably ignores him most of the time and isn't stern.  And if he doesn't have a Nanny and is in school, the only people he respects are his teachers.  

I have seen this firsthand and actually experienced a child like this.  By the end of my time with him, he was an angel with me.  He literally went from a crazy prick little boy to when I snapped my fingers, he was standing next to me, ready to leave Church Square.  Everyone has the ability to do what I do, but it has to be learned.  Not everyone can have such strict boundaries.  I know especially with parents, it's hard.  But try.  No one wants to be around the Out of Control Child.  No one wants to HAVE the OOCC.  Not even a Nanny who gets paids the big bucks!

Hoboken Restaurants and The iPad

 

Everywhere I go, I see Parents hand over the iPad so their kid sits nicely in one of our awesome restaurants here.  Really?  This is what you turn to just so your kid sits in a restaurant?  I get that it's 2013, but teach your kid to sit in a restaurant and color.  Why do they have to be plugged in so much?  Giving them the iPad preps them to always want to be plugged in to their phone as they get older.  Good job, Parents, good job.  Another excellent parenting skill!

Confessions of a Nanny 

Part IV

A few years ago, I nannied for a family where the parents sucked and the little girl was on the autism spectrum.  I knew from the beginning but I wasn't really sure because the parents didn't give her the life tools to survive.  She didn't get enough sleep, her diet consisted of junk food, and she was run ragged everyday.  The parents worked full time and felt guilty.  So, they gave her what she wanted and didn't know that sleep was essential for growing.  Part of me thought it was just poor development due to the parents, but when I came to the picture and got her on as best of a schedule that I could, she still wasn't "right."  I became very attached and worked well beyond my hours to help this little girl.  I would google ways to cope her tantrums and how to help her get over her food issues.  I became VERY attached to her and actually worried about her when I wasn't around.  I absolutely adored this little girl.  I felt that her parents did nothing to help her and I was the only person in her life that made sure she got enough sleep and ate balanced meals.  When I found out that they were moving, I cried for days.  I almost wanted to call childrens services because I was so extremely worried about her future.  Her parents were not bad people, they just shouldn't be parents.  They are friends to her.  The day of the move finally came.  When they left, I went home and sunk into my couch for the rest of the night.  I missed the sweet little girl that had such an impact on me.  

Even though it doesn't seem like Nannies get attached, there's always that one family that we will never forget.  I will never ever forget her.  If I could adopt her, I would.  

Napping on the Job

 

Sometimes kids are so exhausting that 4 cups of coffee can't keep me awake.  I have two cups in the morning just to jolt me awake.  And then when the kiddos are mixed in, I am ready for bed by 2pm.   Especially since I have to be at work so early.  There have been a few days where I need to take a nap while the kids nap.  Is that acceptable to parents?  I've always set an alarm to make sure I'm up when they are up.  When you're as good of a Nanny as I am, I am always on the go.  So, I feel that if I need to nap while they nap, I should be entitled to it.  

 But I want to know your side, Parents.  Are you comfortable with your Nanny napping while your children nap?  Why or why not?

Does anyone have any juicy babysitting stories from the weekend?  

I do.  

 My friends family called the cops because the mom vandalized one of the bathrooms in the apartment! The parents are going through a bitter divorce.  My poor friend.

 

How would you like to be involved in that one?  

Confessions of a Nanny

Part III

When I first met this mom, I didn't think she was bad.  Then when I met the kid, she turned into a Devil.  Not only was she the Micro Manage Mama, but she just got downright mean when I would try to help her kid do something.  So, before I started, I gave her my hourly rate, and she came back with an offer that was 50 cents less.  5-0 cents!  Which came out to like $10 less per week.  Now, ok.  I've got a lot of experience and when it comes to negotiating, my rate is my rate.  I don't mess around.  So, I said "my rate is my rate, take it or leave it."  Obviously since I'm the shiznit, she accepted.  But man, did that leave an awful taste in my mouth about this family and I did not want to work with them.  But since it was the highest paying, I accepted it.  But I absolutely dreaded every single day.  

And sure enough, their cheapness showed at holiday time when they gave me $0 for a bonus and didn't even say thank you after I gave the kid a present. 

I ignore them everytime I see them walking around. 

Wake the Baby Up

The more I come in contact with first time parents, the nuttier I think most of them are.  "Make sure you wake the baby up around 10:30pm to get the last feeding in."  Uhhh what?  Wake a sleeping baby just to prevent YOU from having to get up at 1am?  Why would ANYONE do such a thing...seriously I want to know.  

I find that first time parents prevent their child from sleeping just to accommodate themselves from not getting sleep.  Put it this way, if your   baby fall asleep at 7pm and is still sleeping by the time their next feeding "should" be, there's no need to wake them up.  YOU should be sleeping when the baby sleeps.  Therefore, if the baby wakes up at 1am ready to eat, get your butt up and feed it.  You are setting your baby up for disaster by waking it out of a deep sleep.  

Let the baby sleep.  Do not wake the baby up.  

Leave Me Money for Dinner!!

I stayed late with the runts tonight while the parents went on a hot date.  I get really peeved when there's nothing to make myself for dinner.  I mean, I'm there all day where I bring my breakfast, lunch, and some snacks, but I expect to be given money for dinner if I'm working a long ass day.  Why shouldn't you treat me to dinner once in a while?  Am I wrong to expect this?  Here I am, slaving after your kids all day while you gallivant around TriBeCa, and you expect me to eat what for dinner?  Giving me $10 for dinner means a lot.  I'm not a millionaire and you clearly have nothing in your house, otherwise you wouldn't go out so much. 

Parents, it's the little things that make Nannies(and Babysitters!) happy.  If you leave a note saying "here's $10(or $20 if you want to help include tip), buy yourself dinner tonight"...we would feel so appreciated.  I won't use the whole $20 and the change is yours.  A little thoughtful tip from the HobokeNanny.  Make us smile!

Dinner Dilemma

Everyday, I feed my charges dinner.  I always find it weird because the parents don't get home at a late hour.  I leave work at 5:30pm.  How come around the NYC area, many parents choose not to eat dinner at home with their kids?

Growing up, regardless of when my parents got home, we always ate as a family.  If we had to wait until my dad got home at 7pm, well, we waited.  We would have a snack of fruit or veggies and then did homework or watched a TV show while we waited.  

Which brings me to ask why do parents ask their Nanny to give the kids an early dinner?  Is it because the parents don't want to cook?  Because that's what it seems to me.  But then again, with prepared foods being such a hit in Hoboken, what's so hard about warming something up and eating as a family?  If a parent ever wonders why their kids don't want to talk about what goes on in school or if there's a social problem, you should think that maybe the Nanny knows about since that's who your kids have dinner with.  Parents, take the time, order a pizza, and eat as a family.  Everyone will absolutely love it.  And PS- leave your phone where it won't be a distraction.  Dinner time should be family time.  Every second of it!

The Jealous Nanny Stare

Yesterday I was at Church Square playing with one of my kids.  He wanted to go down the slide but is too young to go by himself.  So, what does an awesome Nanny like myself do?  I went down the slide with him!  Wouldn't you know...this gray haired lousy looking Nanny was staring at me like I was some monster for taking my kid down the slide.  Are you kidding me?  She was there with two girls, probably 7 years old, just sitting there doing nothing.  And she has the audacity of giving me a look for having fun with my charge?  What I wanted to do was go up to her and say "do you have a problem?"  Maybe next time.  Nanny, why don't you try having fun once in awhile?

Confessions of a Nanny 

Part II

My biggest fear is if my charges get bumps and bruises on my watch.  Sure, it happens, and it's not my fault, but it still scares the crap out of me. 

When a baby cries

Why do Nannies and parents jump the second their baby cries?  Do you not realize that you're setting yourself up for doom?  Let the thing cry.  The baby is fine...they cry for no reason whatsoever sometimes.  

And also, to the people who stare at the Nannies and parents who actually do let their baby cry: Mind your business.  If a baby is crying in a stroller, chances are it doesn't want to be in the stroller.  But why take the child out and teach it a bad lesson?  

Let.Your.Baby.Cry.

(Church Square) Park Bench Nannies 

Part II

I now realize why all of these awful Nannies sit here.  They wait around to get free lunches from the city and use the kids as a reason to get the lunch.  I rarely see the kids eating the free lunch, but sometimes I do.  So, Parents, do you know that your kid is eating a warm-from-the-sun ham and cheese sandwich slapped on two pieces of white bread?  No veggies, maybe a piece of fruit.  

BAD BAD BAD!!

Emailed

BABYSITTER CONFESSIONS PART I

When you lousy parents decided to stay out late, I put your kid to bed without a Pull Up(or UnderJam as they call it for old kids) on.  Because you know, he was 8 years old and you still made him wear one.  Why? Because you were too lazy to teach him how to get up and pee in the middle of the night. You were also too lazy to get up in the middle of the night in case he had an accident.  Which by the way, never happened because when I was there in the morning to take him to school, he woke up DRY every.single.DAY!  

I also secretly wished you didn't suck so much.  Poor boy just wanted to spend time with you.  To him, I was his best friend.  

Why Wednesday!!

I'd like to introduce this awesome post called "Why Wednesday."   This post is dedicated to Why your kid needs sleep and you should not sabotage sleep in any way.  Because some parents think that keeping their kids up late to spend time with them is A.O.K.  When in reality, you're just ruining your little brats!

There was once I family that I Nannied for that loved their kid so much that they had no control over her and she went to sleep at 11pm.  She had school the next day and was all sorts of messed up because she got a "solid 7 hours" as the dad said.  Ummm, yeah, your kid should go to sleep at an hour that could potentially let them sleep at least 10 hours.  If you haven't noticed, your kid got tired around 7pm and then a second wind blew her over and she was off the walls until 11pm.  Good job, idiots, good job.  

So, here's why your kid needs sleep if you're in the same dilemma as these people were.  When a kid doesn't get enough sleep, the development is lacking.  Any working person knows that if they don't get enough sleep, they get cranky and irritable, and you're an adult!  Do you even realize the awful things that happen with a child who has no control over their temper?  If your kid is going to bed late, revise their night schedule and give them a chance to sleep as long as they can.  If it's tough to get them up in the morning, put them to bed earlier.  The saying shouldn't be "happy wife, happy life" it should be "well rested kid, happy life."   

If you have a 4 month-16 month old, they should be napping twice a day, for at least 45 minutes to reap any benefits.  Early bedtime. If you have a 16 month old-5 year old, most kids take one nap a day, and sleep 1-3 hours, depending how much you tire them out!  And just because they go to bed early at night, doesn't mean they will wake up early.  And if they do, teach them to stay in their room(if they are old enough).  If it's a baby, the baby can be left alone for at least 20 minutes after they awaken.  They will be fine.  I promise!

How much is your Nanny worth?

 As a Nanny, I sometimes ask myself if I'm being paid too little.  I always feel like I go above and beyond and it seems like the parents never seem to notice.  

So, I fall into a funk.  I am almost 95% sure I get paid more than most Nannies in Hoboken, but I'd like more.  When I bring up the topic of a raise, it's almost as if I asked my family to go jump off a cliff with me.  They make good money...both are lawyers.  But, how much am I worth to them?  Every Monday they tell me how they don't know how I do my job every week...that the kids are so difficult.  But, exactly, it's my job.  So, why is it so hard for them to acknowledge my hard work and give me a raise?  I've been with this family for a few years now, and yes, I've gotten raises, but they seem sparse these days.  On the other hand, I am grateful for them.  They are kind. 

 Parents, how much is your Nanny worth to you?  If she asks for a raise, do you give it?  How much is too much for a yearly raise?   

Nannies, how often do you ask for a raise?  What's the average amount that you ask for?

 Comment below or email me at HobokeNannySpy@gmail.com

I just wanted to say a huge Thank You for all the support so far!  I've gotten so many views of this blog and the comments are great!  Keep visiting everyday for more topics!  You are GREAT!!

As always, my email is HobokeNannySpy@gmail.com for topics, questions, nanny sightings, and whatever else you may want to see on here!  Pass the blog along to friends and family!

How to deal with idiot parents who know nothing about raising a child

 

Just when I thought some people couldn't get any dumbererererer, I come across some really dumb parents at the pier tonight.  I was there with some friends, minding my own business, when their kid kept coming up to us and wanted to play.  Fine, the kid was cute, so why not.  The parents were not watching him.  For all they knew, I could have kidnapped him!  So finally, as the amazing Nanny that I am, I went over and gave the kid back.  Like "here's your kid."  I also noticed in the kids bottle...yes a bottle, was a yellowish substance, kind of like Mountain Dew.  The kid was well over 2 years old and still using a bottle.  Don't people know that by 1 year, the bottle should be gone?  

Anyway, so this Mountain Dew substance actually turned out to be Mountain Dew!!!!  Um. It was 8:30pm.  First of all, why isn't your kid in bed?  And 2nd, why the F is your baby drinking that awful substance?  I mean, how dumb can two people be?  Why don't you go buy your kid a pack of cigarettes and some beer and call it a night?  

So when I said to the parents "oh no wonder he's bouncing off the walls!" they looked at me like I was the idiot.  No, I'm not going to keep my mouth shut.  I told them that they were awful parents for letting their kid drink that crap.  But seriously.  

Do not EVER give your kid soda.  Caffeine free or not.  You deserve to have your kid given to the state. 

How to tell if your kid likes your Nanny

It's not always easy to match two different personalities together and have them learn to like each other for 10 hours a day for 5 days.  But in the end, the child has to be happiest, not you(the parents).  Here are a few ways to know if your kid are happy with their Nanny.

1) Your child is excited to see her each morning.  

2) Your child expresses that Nanny is fun.

3) If you have a baby, the baby seems happy and is for the most part, in a great mood. 

4) A positive Nanny makes everyone happy and feel at ease.  

5) And lastly, it's okay if your child says that they love their Nanny.  You want that!

CONFESSIONS OF A NANNY PART I

One time(I'm sure it was many times, but this time in particular), I  was really pissed at my family.  Not only did they suck huge monkey balls, but that day, they decided to NOT walk their dog.  So, what was all over the floor when I walked in that morning?  Yep, dog shit everywhere.  Two piles, which meant that they didn't feel like taking the thing out the night before and that morning.  I was disgusted and PISSED.  The mom left for the day, the dad was rarely home(the wall street dude) and it was just me and the one kid.  Who was a baby and crawled and put everything in her mouth!  

So, since I was the mom/dad, housekeeper, nanny, butler, dog walker, grandma, grandpa, and everything else in between, I ruled the house.  My way or the highway. I was doing some of the FAMILY laundry and decided to pick up the dog crap with the father's clean underwear and put the poop in the toilet.  I went on my merry way and put the now dirty underwear in the father's clean drawer.  So, he wore "clean" underwear with dog poop on it.  HA!  In your face, cheap rich dad!  

What do you think of THAT?!?!

THE ORGANIC DEBATE

I can't help but laugh everytime I walk into a new apartment and see the Organic items that people choose to buy for their kids.  Come on, organic pasta?  And don't even get me started on organic diapers.  I get it, it's the new fad.  But I can't take seriously the families who are all "my kid eats organic french fries and pancakes" and other random foods.  If you choose to be "organic" then stop being faux and buy everything organic!  And better yet, make sure your kid doesn't eat at restaurants that aren't organic because then what's the point?  Or how about the parents that become organic when their kid starts to eat table food?  Did they drink organic formula?  Or Moms, if you breastfeed, is your entire diet organic?  Your answer is most likely "no" to all of these questions. And to top it off!...once your kid knows how awesome MickeyD's is, they are going to eat all of the Big Mac's in the world.  Eating organic is not proven to be better.  Start your kids off eating healthy.  Go organic if everything will be organic.  If you are a half organic family, you should be laughing at yourselves!  

If you and your family only eat SOME organic food, why? 

BAD NANNY SIGHTING

August 19, 2013

Thank you to the awesome Nanny that emailed me this information.  

Nanny Description: West Indian, glasses, tall

Kid Description: Blonde hair, female, no name

I know this could be anyone.  They were crossing the street at the library crossing.  Parents, please be aware!  This Nanny almost crossed as a car was speeding by.  

Email me at HobokeNannySpy@gmail.com if you think this could be your child.

When you don't want to acknowledge that your child may have Autism

 

It's a very difficult topic to talk to any parent about.  Your kid is different.  But not in a way that you want to acknowledge.  You know they hit their head, flap their hands, and repeat things, but they seem normal otherwise.  And you convinced yourself that she is.  

However, you know she isn't.  

I don't wish this upon anyone.  It is one of the saddest experiences I've ever had to deal with.  As a Nanny, the one thing I want in life is for all my charges, past, present, and future, to be happy and to live wonderful lives.  Two of my kids have autism.  Both diagnosed and both very difficult to handle, but somehow, I did it for many years.  From the beginning, I knew that both kids were on the spectrum.  Repetition, head banging, lack of verbal skills, and food issues were the immediate giveaway.

The parents did not want to believe it. And as the Nanny, what was I supposed to do?  I couldn't take the children to the specialists.  They aren't my own children.  All I could do was be there for them and have patience.  Because that's what it took to help them overcome their daily obstacles.  I encourage any families to seek a diagnosis as soon as you think something could be wrong.  The earlier the intervention, the better the help.  It's definitely not easy, but don't ignore it.  And if you need someone to talk to about being upset, come to me!  I know what you're feeling. 

THE CELL PHONE

The cell phone debate irks me in many ways. God, it's just a phone.  But it's our life now.  Which brings me to...the CELL PHONE NANNY!  (clap clap clap)  Being at a few parks on a daily basis, I see The Cell Phone Nannies everywhere.  They usually are not American(but hey, maybe I'm not either?!)  and usually speak everything but English. I find that the kids of these obnoxious Nannies are not as verbal as say...the kids I watch.  That's because I speak English and talk to my kids like an adult.(Let's not even get into adults talking to kids in "baby" talk.)  But seriously, why are there so many Nannies here that do not talk to their charges?  I see the same Nannies constantly on their phones or blue teeth(like that one?) and just talk talk talk.  What the hell can someone talk about for so long?  And parents, do you even know that your Nanny sucks and is always on the phone??  Only if you have a Nanny cam I guess.  

Nannies!  Get off the phone!  Interact with your kid for once!  Sing to them while you're walking down Washington Street, say the color of the cars, do something other than be on your phone for God's sake!!  And parents, I can say the same about you but most of you interact more than your Nanny does.  

You suck, goodbye.

EMAILED QUESTION FROM A HOBOKEN DAD:

"My wife chose our Nanny.  I find her to be rude and obnoxious.  Now I'm afraid that my kids are learning bad things from her.  Sometimes I hear curse words come out of their mouth but we do not talk like that.  What should I do?"

 Since you were not in the choosing process of your Nanny(and I want to know why you weren't since it should be a family decision), this is something that you need to talk to your wife about first.  What did your wife love about your Nanny so much that she had to make the ultimate decision?  On the other hand, since you are the man of the house, you need to talk to your children and ask where they are hearing those words from.  Also ask what else goes on when Nanny is around.  Strongly tell them that those words are unacceptable and should not be repeated under any circumstance.  When kids repeat curse words, a good rule to get them to stop is by threatening to take toys away.  "If I hear that word, I'm going to have to take a toy."  This could be a good situation for a nanny cam or to sit down and ask your Nanny what's going on.  Let her know that curse words are not tolerated. If you truly don't think she's a good fit, maybe it's time to start looking for a new Nanny.

Don't forget to send me your questions and Nanny sightings at:

HobokeNannySpy@gmail.com

And it's very easy to start the comment conversation below!  Click "comment" and choose a "name" and "publish your comment"  Bada Bing, you started a comment conversation!

 

WAYS TO HELP PARENTS COPE WITH NANNY JEALOUSY

Hey!  It's a real thing and it's okay to have.  I mean who wouldn't be jealous of someone who gets to hang out with your kids all day?  That's enough rubbing in.  But, Nannies know that it's hard to leave your kids with another person.  We know.  Here are some ways to help ease any jealous feelings:

1) Your kid will always love you.  No matter if they say they hate you, no matter if they tell you they don't want you to be their mom or dad.  They love you.  Just like you always loved and continue to love your parents.  

2) When you get home from work, put the phone away.  Work is over.  Now it's time to be a parent and friend.  If your kids bedtime routine starts shortly after you get home, get in your PJ's too.  Do something fun.  Whether it's playing hide and seek or reading a whole bunch of books, spend quality time with your kids. 

3) Always know that your kids love their Nanny, too.  Hey, she's with your kids most of their awake hours.  What do you expect?  

4) It's okay to be jealous.  It's a natural feeling.  But don't let it get to you.  Would you rather your kids love your Nanny or absolutely despise her?  I'm gonna go with the first option!

5) Never forget how much you love your kids and how much they love you.  And make sure you tell them how much you love them.  Chances are your Nanny doesn't ever say those three.little.words.  Although if she does tell them, it's OK!  You want her to love your kids.

THE JEALOUS PARENTS

vs. 

THE ABSENT PARENTS

The first family that I was a Nanny for was a very wealthy family here.  Financially, they treated me okay for the time, but mentally, I felt whipped.  They were the absent parents.  The typical hard working Wall Street father and the stay at home mom with a full time Nanny(me).  Both were hardly ever home.  My personal life was nonexistent. The kids were nice...nothing special though.  But somewhat well behaved.  I did a lot.  And by a lot, I was their live out butler, dog walker, potty trainer, chef, parents, and anything else that you can think of.  I was the glue.  I liked the mom because she stayed out of my way and when we needed to be together, we talked like girlfriends. 

Fast forward a few years to my second family.  The complete opposite of my first family.  Working class, needed me, but didn't take advantage of me.  The mom and dad were not micro managers, however, the mom was jealous of my relationship with her kids.  And it was very noticeable.  The jabs at me about her kids wanting to be with me instead of her.  The "unintentional" smart ass remarks that I ignored.  I got angry, but she never knew.  The father also got jealous, but in a different way.  As a Nanny, the feelings that the kids develop towards me is not my problem.  They love me because I'm respectful and we have fun.  They will always love their mom and dad.

As I think about these two situations, I'm not sure which family I liked better.  The absent parents who were nice but rarely around, or the hands on parents but very jealous.  I keep in touch with both families but if I were ever to work with one family again, I think it would be the absent parents family.  Life was so much easier when I didn't have to worry about whether or not a mom would be sad that her kids wanted to go to the park with me.  It wasn't easy, but definitely a great lesson.  

Are the parents who are less involved in their children's lives not as attached to them?

THE PACIFIER 
          ISN'T THAT A MOVIE? 

As I'm walking around town today, I have noticed a disgusting amount of huge kids(3 years and older) using pacifiers.  I mean, what the heck is going on here?  WHY????  Certainly your child is a little too old for this thing.  And on top of that, why are you not doing your job as a parent and just saying no?  It's all good if your kid is two years old and still using it.  I get it, it's a very difficult habit to break, and if it doesn't bother you, fine.  But to let your old ass child use a pacifier in public...you deserve to be judged.  And you deserve to go to parenting classes.  No, it's none of my business, but I used so much self control to not say something.  Do your job and be a parent and get rid of that thing.  

End rant. 

FAMILY REFERENCES

Every family that I've worked for has wanted references from previous families.  That's fine and dandy, I get it.  And since all of my references are GLOWING, there is no problem with supplying a name, phone number, and email.  But what about when a new Nanny asks the parents for a reference from an old Nanny or babysitter?  Would you allow it?

I've always wondered why some families that I worked for switched Nannies.  Maybe the pay wasn't increasing or maybe the Nanny was just awful and had to be fired.  Either way, I think the new Nanny deserves to hear from the previous one...just like families want to know that I was never in jail or a child thief!

There have been a few times when in my gut, I knew I should have asked for a Nanny reference. I also saw the previous Nannies around town but to not stir up drama, I never asked what their impression of the family was.  To this day, I am friendly with a Nanny that used to work for a family that I worked for.  I know we thought the same things: they were cheapskates, annoying, and the kid was a brat, but just in case either of us kept in touch, we never talk about it. But how do I know we thought the same thing?  I heard it through another Hoboken Nanny!  Also, how could we not think that?  They were jerks. 

Did I get your attention?

How much personal information do you give your Nanny & family?

Thinking back to all the great families that I have worked for, I often wonder how much personal information I have given in an unprofessional way.  What I was doing over the weekend or how drunk I got the night before.  Was it too much?  I had different types of relationships with each family.  Some were VERY professional, while others were very relaxed.  I was close with some moms and then others, I wouldn't go near with a 40 foot pole.  I like being able to be comfortable around my family.  Afterall, they tell me I'm part of the family, so why not talk about the craziness of my personal life?  

So, I'm thinking, Nannies, do you talk freely to your family?  And Parents, how much is too much?

Parents, do you know the difference?  Comment and discuss!

Emailed question from a Hoboken Mom:

 "My Nanny has been showing up to work late for the past 5 days.  It's only about 15 minutes, but she has no real excuse.  I need to get to work on time.  What should i do?"

Ahh, the unreliable Nanny.  She's probably a Church Square park bench Nanny.  Only kidding...but seriously, I hope she isn't.  

I am sure you asked her the obvious: "Why are you late?"  If she has no reason...ie-there was a car accident on the Westside Highway, the E train was running late, blah blah blah...I would give her a warning.  A warning includes 1) you are unable to pay her for the time she is late or 2)you can scare her with letting her go because you need someone to depend on. I'm not sure how long she has been with your family, but she should know that her showing up on time gives you enough time to get to work when you're supposed to. There should be no tolerance for tardiness.  Your job enables her to watch your kids.  Her job is being there for you and your family. Plus, timing is everything in the NYC/Hoboken area.  5 minutes late and you can miss your next meeting!

A late Nanny is a not-so-good Nanny.  

Thank you for your question!  For more questions, email me at HobokeNannySpy@gmail.com

 

BUTTING HEADS WITH THE PARENTS

 

There have been times in my Nanny career that I completely disagreed with a parent.  Specifically, when parents let their kids climb on tables and jump off chairs, or didn't reprimand bad language.  To me, that is completely disrespectful and not good behavior to encourage(who doesn't agree with that?!).  And then there comes a time when no matter what the Nanny says, the kids will only listen to their parents when they are around.  So, there's no point in trying to teach them the right thing.  

I always found it very discouraging when a parent didn't take my side on good behavior.  Maybe I'm a stickler, and it's okay to have fun, but it's not okay to become a gross disrespectful human being.  Parents should be the model, while the Nanny continues the same behavior.  Not, the Nanny should be the model and the parents continue the behavior.  Kids want to be their parents!

Be the teacher, not the follower.  If you, the parent, need help on how to interact with your child and guide them to become nice, respectful adults, ask your Nanny.  If your Nanny is a pig, find a new one!

  

 

THE IMPORTANCE OF THE NANNY CONTRACT

As you've gathered, I hope, I have been a Nanny for many many years.  For some of the families, I've had a Nanny contract.  Other families, there was no contract, and often, some sticky situations. Situations like days off or pay raises.  While these are not earth shattering problems, it is very important to have everything discussed and written out to prevent awkward situations. 

The reality is, this is my occupation.  There was a situation where a family that I was nannying for decided(yes, last minute because they have another home) to take a two week vacation and left me high and dry.  No pay, barely a holiday bonus(a topic that I will tackle as holiday time comes!), and two weeks of nothing to do, since they told me last minute. Do you think that's fair?  Because I sure don't.  I have bills, mortgage, groceries, and life to pay for.  Two weeks of no pay is a bomb to my bank account.  

To be fair, I know it was my fault that we didn't discuss paid days off.  I know, I know, I know!  This is a lesson that both Nannies and families should understand.  Nannies: make sure this is discussed!  Families: if you consider your Nanny as part of your family, treat them like it!