WAYS TO HELP PARENTS COPE WITH NANNY JEALOUSY

Hey!  It's a real thing and it's okay to have.  I mean who wouldn't be jealous of someone who gets to hang out with your kids all day?  That's enough rubbing in.  But, Nannies know that it's hard to leave your kids with another person.  We know.  Here are some ways to help ease any jealous feelings:

1) Your kid will always love you.  No matter if they say they hate you, no matter if they tell you they don't want you to be their mom or dad.  They love you.  Just like you always loved and continue to love your parents.  

2) When you get home from work, put the phone away.  Work is over.  Now it's time to be a parent and friend.  If your kids bedtime routine starts shortly after you get home, get in your PJ's too.  Do something fun.  Whether it's playing hide and seek or reading a whole bunch of books, spend quality time with your kids. 

3) Always know that your kids love their Nanny, too.  Hey, she's with your kids most of their awake hours.  What do you expect?  

4) It's okay to be jealous.  It's a natural feeling.  But don't let it get to you.  Would you rather your kids love your Nanny or absolutely despise her?  I'm gonna go with the first option!

5) Never forget how much you love your kids and how much they love you.  And make sure you tell them how much you love them.  Chances are your Nanny doesn't ever say those three.little.words.  Although if she does tell them, it's OK!  You want her to love your kids.

THE JEALOUS PARENTS

vs. 

THE ABSENT PARENTS

The first family that I was a Nanny for was a very wealthy family here.  Financially, they treated me okay for the time, but mentally, I felt whipped.  They were the absent parents.  The typical hard working Wall Street father and the stay at home mom with a full time Nanny(me).  Both were hardly ever home.  My personal life was nonexistent. The kids were nice...nothing special though.  But somewhat well behaved.  I did a lot.  And by a lot, I was their live out butler, dog walker, potty trainer, chef, parents, and anything else that you can think of.  I was the glue.  I liked the mom because she stayed out of my way and when we needed to be together, we talked like girlfriends. 

Fast forward a few years to my second family.  The complete opposite of my first family.  Working class, needed me, but didn't take advantage of me.  The mom and dad were not micro managers, however, the mom was jealous of my relationship with her kids.  And it was very noticeable.  The jabs at me about her kids wanting to be with me instead of her.  The "unintentional" smart ass remarks that I ignored.  I got angry, but she never knew.  The father also got jealous, but in a different way.  As a Nanny, the feelings that the kids develop towards me is not my problem.  They love me because I'm respectful and we have fun.  They will always love their mom and dad.

As I think about these two situations, I'm not sure which family I liked better.  The absent parents who were nice but rarely around, or the hands on parents but very jealous.  I keep in touch with both families but if I were ever to work with one family again, I think it would be the absent parents family.  Life was so much easier when I didn't have to worry about whether or not a mom would be sad that her kids wanted to go to the park with me.  It wasn't easy, but definitely a great lesson.  

Are the parents who are less involved in their children's lives not as attached to them?

THE PACIFIER 
          ISN'T THAT A MOVIE? 

As I'm walking around town today, I have noticed a disgusting amount of huge kids(3 years and older) using pacifiers.  I mean, what the heck is going on here?  WHY????  Certainly your child is a little too old for this thing.  And on top of that, why are you not doing your job as a parent and just saying no?  It's all good if your kid is two years old and still using it.  I get it, it's a very difficult habit to break, and if it doesn't bother you, fine.  But to let your old ass child use a pacifier in public...you deserve to be judged.  And you deserve to go to parenting classes.  No, it's none of my business, but I used so much self control to not say something.  Do your job and be a parent and get rid of that thing.  

End rant. 

FAMILY REFERENCES

Every family that I've worked for has wanted references from previous families.  That's fine and dandy, I get it.  And since all of my references are GLOWING, there is no problem with supplying a name, phone number, and email.  But what about when a new Nanny asks the parents for a reference from an old Nanny or babysitter?  Would you allow it?

I've always wondered why some families that I worked for switched Nannies.  Maybe the pay wasn't increasing or maybe the Nanny was just awful and had to be fired.  Either way, I think the new Nanny deserves to hear from the previous one...just like families want to know that I was never in jail or a child thief!

There have been a few times when in my gut, I knew I should have asked for a Nanny reference. I also saw the previous Nannies around town but to not stir up drama, I never asked what their impression of the family was.  To this day, I am friendly with a Nanny that used to work for a family that I worked for.  I know we thought the same things: they were cheapskates, annoying, and the kid was a brat, but just in case either of us kept in touch, we never talk about it. But how do I know we thought the same thing?  I heard it through another Hoboken Nanny!  Also, how could we not think that?  They were jerks. 

Did I get your attention?

How much personal information do you give your Nanny & family?

Thinking back to all the great families that I have worked for, I often wonder how much personal information I have given in an unprofessional way.  What I was doing over the weekend or how drunk I got the night before.  Was it too much?  I had different types of relationships with each family.  Some were VERY professional, while others were very relaxed.  I was close with some moms and then others, I wouldn't go near with a 40 foot pole.  I like being able to be comfortable around my family.  Afterall, they tell me I'm part of the family, so why not talk about the craziness of my personal life?  

So, I'm thinking, Nannies, do you talk freely to your family?  And Parents, how much is too much?

Parents, do you know the difference?  Comment and discuss!