BAD NANNY SIGHTING

August 19, 2013

Thank you to the awesome Nanny that emailed me this information.  

Nanny Description: West Indian, glasses, tall

Kid Description: Blonde hair, female, no name

I know this could be anyone.  They were crossing the street at the library crossing.  Parents, please be aware!  This Nanny almost crossed as a car was speeding by.  

Email me at HobokeNannySpy@gmail.com if you think this could be your child.

When you don't want to acknowledge that your child may have Autism

 

It's a very difficult topic to talk to any parent about.  Your kid is different.  But not in a way that you want to acknowledge.  You know they hit their head, flap their hands, and repeat things, but they seem normal otherwise.  And you convinced yourself that she is.  

However, you know she isn't.  

I don't wish this upon anyone.  It is one of the saddest experiences I've ever had to deal with.  As a Nanny, the one thing I want in life is for all my charges, past, present, and future, to be happy and to live wonderful lives.  Two of my kids have autism.  Both diagnosed and both very difficult to handle, but somehow, I did it for many years.  From the beginning, I knew that both kids were on the spectrum.  Repetition, head banging, lack of verbal skills, and food issues were the immediate giveaway.

The parents did not want to believe it. And as the Nanny, what was I supposed to do?  I couldn't take the children to the specialists.  They aren't my own children.  All I could do was be there for them and have patience.  Because that's what it took to help them overcome their daily obstacles.  I encourage any families to seek a diagnosis as soon as you think something could be wrong.  The earlier the intervention, the better the help.  It's definitely not easy, but don't ignore it.  And if you need someone to talk to about being upset, come to me!  I know what you're feeling. 

THE CELL PHONE

The cell phone debate irks me in many ways. God, it's just a phone.  But it's our life now.  Which brings me to...the CELL PHONE NANNY!  (clap clap clap)  Being at a few parks on a daily basis, I see The Cell Phone Nannies everywhere.  They usually are not American(but hey, maybe I'm not either?!)  and usually speak everything but English. I find that the kids of these obnoxious Nannies are not as verbal as say...the kids I watch.  That's because I speak English and talk to my kids like an adult.(Let's not even get into adults talking to kids in "baby" talk.)  But seriously, why are there so many Nannies here that do not talk to their charges?  I see the same Nannies constantly on their phones or blue teeth(like that one?) and just talk talk talk.  What the hell can someone talk about for so long?  And parents, do you even know that your Nanny sucks and is always on the phone??  Only if you have a Nanny cam I guess.  

Nannies!  Get off the phone!  Interact with your kid for once!  Sing to them while you're walking down Washington Street, say the color of the cars, do something other than be on your phone for God's sake!!  And parents, I can say the same about you but most of you interact more than your Nanny does.  

You suck, goodbye.

EMAILED QUESTION FROM A HOBOKEN DAD:

"My wife chose our Nanny.  I find her to be rude and obnoxious.  Now I'm afraid that my kids are learning bad things from her.  Sometimes I hear curse words come out of their mouth but we do not talk like that.  What should I do?"

 Since you were not in the choosing process of your Nanny(and I want to know why you weren't since it should be a family decision), this is something that you need to talk to your wife about first.  What did your wife love about your Nanny so much that she had to make the ultimate decision?  On the other hand, since you are the man of the house, you need to talk to your children and ask where they are hearing those words from.  Also ask what else goes on when Nanny is around.  Strongly tell them that those words are unacceptable and should not be repeated under any circumstance.  When kids repeat curse words, a good rule to get them to stop is by threatening to take toys away.  "If I hear that word, I'm going to have to take a toy."  This could be a good situation for a nanny cam or to sit down and ask your Nanny what's going on.  Let her know that curse words are not tolerated. If you truly don't think she's a good fit, maybe it's time to start looking for a new Nanny.

Don't forget to send me your questions and Nanny sightings at:

HobokeNannySpy@gmail.com

And it's very easy to start the comment conversation below!  Click "comment" and choose a "name" and "publish your comment"  Bada Bing, you started a comment conversation!

 

WAYS TO HELP PARENTS COPE WITH NANNY JEALOUSY

Hey!  It's a real thing and it's okay to have.  I mean who wouldn't be jealous of someone who gets to hang out with your kids all day?  That's enough rubbing in.  But, Nannies know that it's hard to leave your kids with another person.  We know.  Here are some ways to help ease any jealous feelings:

1) Your kid will always love you.  No matter if they say they hate you, no matter if they tell you they don't want you to be their mom or dad.  They love you.  Just like you always loved and continue to love your parents.  

2) When you get home from work, put the phone away.  Work is over.  Now it's time to be a parent and friend.  If your kids bedtime routine starts shortly after you get home, get in your PJ's too.  Do something fun.  Whether it's playing hide and seek or reading a whole bunch of books, spend quality time with your kids. 

3) Always know that your kids love their Nanny, too.  Hey, she's with your kids most of their awake hours.  What do you expect?  

4) It's okay to be jealous.  It's a natural feeling.  But don't let it get to you.  Would you rather your kids love your Nanny or absolutely despise her?  I'm gonna go with the first option!

5) Never forget how much you love your kids and how much they love you.  And make sure you tell them how much you love them.  Chances are your Nanny doesn't ever say those three.little.words.  Although if she does tell them, it's OK!  You want her to love your kids.

THE JEALOUS PARENTS

vs. 

THE ABSENT PARENTS

The first family that I was a Nanny for was a very wealthy family here.  Financially, they treated me okay for the time, but mentally, I felt whipped.  They were the absent parents.  The typical hard working Wall Street father and the stay at home mom with a full time Nanny(me).  Both were hardly ever home.  My personal life was nonexistent. The kids were nice...nothing special though.  But somewhat well behaved.  I did a lot.  And by a lot, I was their live out butler, dog walker, potty trainer, chef, parents, and anything else that you can think of.  I was the glue.  I liked the mom because she stayed out of my way and when we needed to be together, we talked like girlfriends. 

Fast forward a few years to my second family.  The complete opposite of my first family.  Working class, needed me, but didn't take advantage of me.  The mom and dad were not micro managers, however, the mom was jealous of my relationship with her kids.  And it was very noticeable.  The jabs at me about her kids wanting to be with me instead of her.  The "unintentional" smart ass remarks that I ignored.  I got angry, but she never knew.  The father also got jealous, but in a different way.  As a Nanny, the feelings that the kids develop towards me is not my problem.  They love me because I'm respectful and we have fun.  They will always love their mom and dad.

As I think about these two situations, I'm not sure which family I liked better.  The absent parents who were nice but rarely around, or the hands on parents but very jealous.  I keep in touch with both families but if I were ever to work with one family again, I think it would be the absent parents family.  Life was so much easier when I didn't have to worry about whether or not a mom would be sad that her kids wanted to go to the park with me.  It wasn't easy, but definitely a great lesson.  

Are the parents who are less involved in their children's lives not as attached to them?